Sky apologises after cutting to ad break during Millwall pitch invasion

Sky has apologised for cutting to a commercial break just seconds after Millwall fans invaded the pitch following their League One play-off final win.

In a gaffe that might remind older viewers of when ITV showed a Tic Tac advert instead of a last-minute Merseyside derby winner, Sky left viewers outraged at missing the highlight of the play-off final.

Just before the ad break started, an overweight Millwall fan was falling onto the pitch after a failed attempt at a cartwheel while one of his mates tickled a disconsolate Bradford player under the armpits.

One viewer, 60-year-old Tom Wilson from Kent, said:

“I’ve no idea what they were thinking of, but it was a massive insult to all of us who sat patiently through the 90-minute build up.

“I couldn’t have cared less about those mediocre footballers whacking the ball around.

“The director kept on showing the football instead of the Millwall fans, for some reason, and then when it finally starts to kick off they just switched off.”

Sky said the advert break had been booked at the final whistle months in advance.

It points out it made highlights of the pitch invasion available to free-to-air channels for everyone to enjoy on their 10 o’clock news shows.

Sky says due to demand it is considering making a service available on its red button showing constant footage of Millwall fans during their televised games next season.

Image courtesy of Ben Sutherland via Flickr

Good sports Sunderland tried to arrange players to form giant J and T when defending corner

Sunderland attempted to arrange their defenders in giant JT shapes when defending their 26th corner of the match against Chelsea yesterday, in order to add to the tributes to John Terry.

Footage from the upper tier of Stamford Bridge shows the Sunderland men leaving their opponents completely free in the box to form shapes that briefly looked like a J and a T.

A lack of coordination among the Sunderland defenders meant they actually looked more like an X and an N, however.

The corner took place some time between Chelsea’s fourth and seventh goals in their God Knows How Many They Scored in the End – 1 win.

Sunderland manager David Moyes confirmed his players tried to arrange the stunt, saying:

“It was all John Terry’s idea, but we couldn’t be arsed to say no.

“We’ve just been sitting around in silence for the last month after getting relegated, so when someone comes along with a smile and a question, we’re like ‘ok, whatever’.

“I’m sure Chelsea would do something similar for us if, say, err well…say Niall Quinn came out of retirement and then retired again when we played them.”

Image courtesy of Chelsea Debs via Wikimedia Commons

Mourinho’s Facebook friends sick of constant sharing of 2010 Champions League final memories

Friends of Jose Mourinho on Facebook say they are annoyed by his constant sharing of memories from the 2010 Champions League final on the social media platform.

Former Middlesbrough manager Aitor Karanka, who was speaking on condition of confidentiality, said:

“It’s been going on all week. I’ve been reacting with an angry face to every one I’ve seen on my timeline but it’s non-stop.

“It started with him grinning with a few of the Inter players at Marco Materazzi’s house.

“The caption said: ‘Seven years ago: Almost time to start packing our bags. Next stop CL final in Madrid!’.

“You can tell it’s seven years ago as he’s even smiling in some of the pictures.

“Then came memories of the packing itself – ‘Which tie to wear when I lift the trophy?’ with him standing over his tie drawer.

“Then the airport, and the bleeding team hotel. One of him scoffing peanuts in his hotel room laughing as he watches the 2010 Europa League final.

“He was sharing them all. I think we all got the message by now, but I’m sure he’s going to come up with some corny update on the day of the anniversary about ‘I can’t believe it’s seven years since the touch of that trophy lit up my life’ blah blah blah.

“The weird thing is he’s hardly put any posts on his profile in the seven years since.

“I think the last post he made was something like ‘Looking forward to working with Ronaldo and the other lads’ just after he took charge of Real Madrid.”

Image courtesy of Новикова Юлия via Wikimedia Commons

Next goal wins to be called after 85 minutes to liven up Premier League final day

Premier League bosses plan to play next goal wins at the end of Sunday’s final Premier League fixtures in order to make them slightly more interesting.

Broadcasters Sky fear that after Liverpool take the lead against Middlesbrough and Man City do likewise at Watford, viewers will turn off in their droves, expecting that the top four is already decided.

Sky could end up paying more than £10,000 in TV money for every person watching a match on Sunday – with too few tempted to watch for the novelty of seeing their side pick unknown teenagers.

The sadness of seeing John Terry’s final match in a Chelsea shirt is also likely to prevent some from switching on.

By calling next goal wins with five minutes remaining, it is hoped that some fantastic entertainment will be in store with everything suddenly up for grabs again.

There is a plan to tell an angry Pep Guardiola, whose chances of Champions League qualification would be on the line again even though City should be winning 4-0 at this stage, that next goal wins is played every year on the final day of the English season.

Some logistical challenges are expected – for instance, if Burnley and West Ham continue to play until the next goal is scored they are unlikely to finish before midnight.

Every team that concedes the next goal will also be given the option of calling ‘first to three’.

Image courtesy of Sludge C via Flickr

Fourth place more likely to be decided by tooth fairy than Champions League play-off

Fourth place is more likely to be decided by the tooth fairy than a Champions League play-off, an analysis has revealed.

Liverpool and Arsenal have around a one in 600 chance of being completely tied for fourth place – Liverpool need to lose 0-2 at home to Middlesbrough and Arsenal need to draw 1-1 at Everton for this to happen.

Journalist Tom Wilson has calculated, however, that a spike in the loss of milk teeth a month after Easter make it more likely than not the tooth fairy will be in the Liverpool area on Sunday afternoon.

Should a child lose a tooth at Anfield, she may well visit the stadium itself – which Wilson rates as being a one in 10 possibility given the amount of crap kids eat these days.

If this happens, Wilson reckons the fairy might take exception to the amount of middle aged men getting excited about the remote prospect of a play-off.

She could then try to influence the match by forcing Daniel Sturridge off the pitch with toothache or planting gold coins in one of the goalmouths.

Wilson rates this eventuality as a one in 200 chance – and therefore much more likely than a play-off.

Wilson says: “This might come as disappointing news to the newspaper editors who are filling space with empty Champions League play-off speculation, mostly because everything else is already decided.

“I know a lot of neutral fans also liked the idea of a novelty end-of-season match with a big prize at stake.

“In which case I suggest they try watching the FA Cup, Championship play-off and Champions League finals.”

Image courtesy of Mike Beales via Flickr

Richard Scudamore pelts Mourinho’s window with stones to get him to Southampton match

Jose Mourinho pretended to sleep yesterday afternoon to avoid taking his Manchester United side to Southampton.

Premier League chairman Richard Scudamore had to throw stones at the Portuguese manager’s window to force him to leave his house.

Scuadmore made the dramatic move after a concerning WhatsApp conversation with Mourinho, which Inside the Far Post has gained a transcript of:

Richard Scudamore: Hi Jose, what you doing?

Jose Mourinho: Trying to rest. Rest maybe like the Ajax manager, you know, his league finished three days ago so I’m sure he’s enjoying a quite beautiful rest right now.

RS: Right! I just wanted to check you’re still on for the Southampton match tonight?

JM: Oh, that’s tonight, is it?

RS: Yeah.

JM: You sure about that?

RS: 7.45 kick-off.

JM: Okay. Fair do’s. I’ll just watch ‘Garden Rescue’ then I’ll head on down to Old Trafford. I’ll guess I’ll have to miss ‘Pointless’ today. Ironic, ha.

RS: Good man. You know it’s in Southampton though don’t you?

Mourinho then failed to respond, despite Scudamore repeatedly asking if he was still there.

The Premier League boss then drove around to Mourinho’s house to see the blinds were down in all the windows. He knocked and heard the faint barking of a dog that sounded like it had been locked in a cupboard.

After picking up stones and throwing them at Mourinho’s bedroom window for a few seconds, he then heard some furious Portuguese swearing before Mourinho opened the window and shouted “can’t you just see I’m trying to rest!”

Mourinho calmed down and was convinced to go to the match when Scudamore explained that by adopting a defensive approach, Manchester United could inflict serious damage on Southampton’s hopes in the battle for eighth place.

Image courtesy of Aleksandr Osipov via Wikimedia Commons

Poll: What’s the most Spursy thing you’ve ever seen?

The bulldozers have moved into White Hart Lane.

Will knocking down their ground and building a new one from scratch coincide with Spurs finally shedding their long-held reputation as a talented side unable to win things? Who knows?

In the meantime, we are asking you, what’s the most Spursy thing you’ve ever seen?

Diego Costa to wear mankini in final match of season

Chelsea’s Diego Costa wants to wear a mankini in the last match of the season this Sunday.

The Brazilian striker and dressing room practical joker explained his decision to journalists while chasing them around a roundabout outside the champions’ Cobham training ground and  singing a Chumbawamba song through a vuvuzela.

Asked why he plans to wear the revealing outfit, which a decade after the release of Borat remains a popular piece for grooms-to-be to don on stag parties, Costa said:

“Huh? Why the hell not, fat faces? Dilly doo, dilly doo, my mankini will be blue.”

Chelsea’s press officer initially tried to explain the decision as being inspired by a bet made at the start of the season, but has since admitted it is entirely Costa’s choice.

The club have consulted the FA on the matter and were devastated to hear that there are no rules specifically banning players from wearing mankinis.

As long as there is space for Costa’s number 19 on the garment, without any of it being obscured by buttocks or body hair, and the whole stunt is sponsored by an attention-hungry betting company, the FA say they are fine with the idea.

Costa is currently 17/10 in betting markets to wear the mankini.

Despite Costa’s plan, it is not yet certain Antonio Conte will pick the striker after admitting the situation might influence his choice of who to drop for John Terry in the match against Sunderland.

Image courtesy of Aleksandr Osipov via Wikimedia Commons

FIFA disappears into puff of smoke after solving all corruption and racism

FIFA’s entire headquarters has disappeared into a puff of smoke after its president Gianni Infantino declared victory in its mission to rid football of all problems.

In an emotional address to the latest FIFA congress, Infantino said:

“Greetings earthlings – and John Delaney.

“It is my pleasure to announce to you all today that our mission on this planet is over.

“Racism and corruption – the problems I came here to rid our beautiful game from, have been completely solved by our amazing taskforces.

“In every corner of the world – with the possible exception of Athlone – everyone can play fair, free and, most importantly, profitable football.

“Next year’s World Cup will be the first to receive total TV penetration – meaning even unborn children and the recently deceased will watch the tournament.

“We have all the world’s major companies sponsoring the tournament, and others are even paying us not to sponsor it.

“We don’t have to do a thing anymore to make money.”

Camera footage then shows steam coming out of Infantino’s head before he, and the rest of FIFA HQ disappears after a large flash of light.

Seconds later, smoke is seen rising from a muddy field in Switzerland, strewn with gold bars, as a cattle farmer approaches to see what has been left behind by FIFA.

Image courtesy of Juerg.hug via Wikimedia Commons

James Milner out for Liverpool after getting infected by ransomware

Liverpool will be without James Milner for their must-win match at West Ham on Sunday as the experienced left-back has picked up a ransomware infection.

Milner is believed to have frozen while chasing down a loose ball in training on Friday.

Club IT staff immediately tried to restart Milner, only to see a screen demanding a ransom of either $300 or Lucas Leiva.

The notice said that if Liverpool don’t pay by the end of the season, Milner’s entire football experience will be wiped out – including his 61 England caps and his PFA Young Player of the Year Award in 2010.

An angry Jurgen Klopp is said to have confronted the club’s technicians having previously pointed out that Milner is still running on outdated software, and therefore vulnerable to such viruses.

A source at the club says Brendan Rodgers shares some of the blame for failing to upgrade Milner from Windows XP when he was signed in 2015.

Klopp is believed to have made enquiries yesterday with Manchester City about returning Milner to the Etihad Stadium, only to find out that the 18-month warranty on the player ran out in December.

Image courtesy of dom fellowes via Wikimedia Commons