Man Utd to spend £40m on new hospital ward rather than Pogba’s agent this summer

Manchester United have decided to scrap their expensive transfer policy and instead donate £40m to build a new hospital ward this summer.

Club boss Ed Woodward says the Red Devils have no desire to spend huge amounts on an agent for another Paul Pogba-sized mega transfer.

Woodward says: “Come on, don’t take Jose seriously when he moans about his meagre resources – I certainly don’t.

“Even when we rest players in the middle of this monster injury crisis we’re picking a team full of internationals.

“We’ve got the most expensive squad in the world. Christ, how much more money does Jose want us to dish out?”

Despite Mourinho’s initial scepticism, the Old Trafford hierarchy are believed to have convinced the Portuguese manager of the merits of spending £40m on a new ward for Manchester Hospital rather than an agent.

Part of the ward is to be reserved for Manchester United players, with Mourinho given full control over admissions and discharges – meaning he can confine Luke Shaw to a hospital bed to keep him away from training.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s agent, who in a bizarre coincidence also happens to be Paul Pogba’s agent, is also happy with the deal.

He is already in talks with a pharmaceutical company to charge £60m for exclusive rights to research Ibrahimovic’s knee from the new hospital ward – having told a newspaper this week how incredible the player’s knee is.

Image courtesy of football.ua via Wikimedia Commons

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