Swansea’s new Spanish midfielder Roque Mesa has denied being a reincarnated 1950s movie villain, despite his obvious resemblance to a stereotypical suit-wearing baddie in a black and white film.
“I dare say I find this whole suggestion most extraordinary, preposterous even,” said Mesa, while smoking a long, thin cigarette and blowing smoke rings.
“I’m quite certain this is contre-vérité, or as the common man might know it, fake news.
“There’s a perfectly good reason for this too – I was born in the Canary Islands, you see, in the year 1989.
“I should hasten to add that makes it quite impossible I could have been scripted on a Hitchcock or early Kubrick production – despite the fact that clearly would have been a most splendid experience.
“I was explaining no less in my first English lesson with my new club that this is a falsity I do not infrequently face – some people see my moustache and happen upon the wildest assumptions.”
Mesa then butted his cigarette out and said he had nothing further to say on the subject as he has to prepare for the start of the season.
“The fixture computer has been most dastardly, after all, with two away trips and Manchester United at home in our opening triumvirate of games.”
Image courtesy of Roque Mesa – Instagram