Celtic have confirmed that they are to select Rod Stewart in goal for the rest of the season after the SFA demanded changes to make Scottish football more interesting.
Brendan Rodgers’ side are a gigantic 27 points ahead of the rest of the league with 14 matches remaining.
This has prompted SFA bosses to convene an emergency meeting due to fears that the Scottish top flight is in immediate danger of becoming a hugely predictable laughing stock.
The SFA then requested that Celtic play with a handicap or they will deny them the league title due to this being a piece of piss they could win with their eyes closed.
Forcing Celtic to pick 72-year-old rock star Stewart in goal was agreed ahead of a number of other options to level the playing field.
These included making Celtic’s starting XI each down a two-litre bottle of Irn-Bru on the pitch before kick-off, handcuffing Moussa Dembele to Scott Brown and – most drastically of all – forcing Celtic to rehire Ronny Deila as manager.
Stewart has already been hired by the SFA this season to make the Scottish Cup draw – a duty the star pulled off with great charm and professionalism, despite one too many Highland Spring mineral waters leading him to pinch the SFA president’s bottom.
Stewart appeared alongside Brendan Rodgers at a press conference yesterday and sang:
Wake up Scotland, I think I’ve got something you’ve got to hear.
By late September we really should never be 12 points clear.
You’re all just a bunch of jokes.
We’d beat you still with Anthony Stokes.
But what do I care if we win year after year?
Image courtesy of Tsutomu Takasu via Flickr