Researchers find Barcelona’s bollocks are 3.7 times larger than Liverpool’s

Scientists have calculated that Barcelona have balls 3.7 times larger than Liverpool’s after the Catalan club signed Philippe Coutinho for even more money than what the Reds paid for Stan Collymore in 1995.

Coutinho’s transfer fee is yet to be clarified as it is so large it is wobbling around, but experts estimate it to be in the 400-500 gazillion range.

Balloligists at Balliol College, Oxford, have with remarkable timing today published an academic paper called Testicle Size in Relation to Astronomical Football Transfer Fees.

The paper says: “pinching a top player from a club with a fan base the size of Liverpool takes some real balls.”

“Considerably larger balls, in fact, than unsettling a Southampton defender. Turning Coutinho’s signing into some kind of fair with a marathon public unveiling event that only lacked a bloody parade takes even larger testicles.

“By using the very latest guessing techniques, we can speculate that Barcelona’s balls, or cojones, as the Spanish call them, are approximately 3.7 times larger than Liverpool’s.”

Image courtesy of Kevin Walsh via Wikimedia Commons

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