Spate of vomiting in major cities on Friday night linked to Kyle Walker’s sickening transfer fee

Accident & Emergency departments in hospitals in all major cities reported large numbers of people vomiting on Friday night, with Kyle Walker’s sickening 50m transfer fee blamed.

There is no indication yet of exactly how many people suffered from the condition, but due to the widespread revulsion at the spending of 50 mil on a decent but hardly ever spectacular full-back, many thousands are thought to have been struck.

Tom Wilson, from Essex, was enjoying a night out with his friends when he fell ill.

He explains: “It was just your everyday Friday night, or everyweek, whatever. The lads started with a few Jagerbombs that we mixed down with some lagers and fluorescent vodka shots.

“Then at one place, I dunno where, I went to the toilet and started a bit of passive-aggressive small talk with some strangers.

“One of ’em asked if I’d heard about Kyle Walker. ‘Mate,’ I said, ‘don’t get me started – you just cannot pay 50 million for him, the world has gone well and truly mad.’

“I mean the fella’s only scored four goals for Spurs in eight years – that’s just four more than me.

“You might say Man City have the money with the rapid increase in TV revenue and the strong growth in their overseas image income, but you just can’t be paying that kind of money for a player like Kyle Walker – it’s more than wrong, it’s sick.

“At that moment it all just came spewing out of me, I saw the floor rise up and hit me, and the next I know I’m in a hospital bed.

“It’s maddening, it really is. 50 million for Kyle Walker! It makes you just want to launch an unprovoked assault on a taxi driver, it really does!

“I tell you what – it makes the 200 quid I spent on a night out hospitalising myself look like money well spent, haha!”

Image courtesy of Chelsea Debs via Wikimedia Commons

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