“Yo blud, I’m staying in the fam!” says Wenger, announcing new contract on FanTV

Arsene Wenger today announced he has signed a new two-year contract in an emotional interview on Arsenal FanTV.

Speaking outside Finsbury Park Underground Station, the Arsenal manager said: “Yo blud, I’ve had my fair share of thinking to do, I’ve got some haters out there don’t I know it, but I’m staying in the fam innit!”

Despite agreeing that Arsenal’s current form is “beyond a joke, man”, Wenger made a passionate promise for next season.

“I’m gonna stay and turn this thing around, you hear me? Stay. Fight. Turn this thing around. That’s me, that’s Wenger, you hear me blud?”

On being asked about his transfer plans, Wenger said: “Dem bitches Mesut and Alexis, I’m gonna say to them go if you want to. PSG, China, wherever.

“Au revoir, know what I’m saying? But it’s up to me, and no-one else, ‘cos I’m Wenger ok, it’s up to me to go and find some guys who are ten – no – a million times better.

“Cos that’s the only way I’m gonna turn things around, you hear me now?”

The interview was then interrupted by the emergency services rushing to try to extinguish Piers Morgan, who self-immolated himself in protest at Wenger’s contract extension.

Image courtesy of Paul Blank via Wikimedia Commons

 

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